I no longer have this fear, the one that I so often had. The coldness has miraculously departed, somehow. Every time I travel, near or far, I get this feeling of anxiety of getting lost or missing my stop (on a bus or a train). It was like a hand that has a hold on my heart and squeezes it to its pleasure. But it’s gone now, I managed to get rid of it, without knowing it.
I do not fear anymore. Perhaps it is because I began to embrace these trips, these travels as a journey of discovery, an adventure. Instead of feeling fear, I have replaced it with excitement. I plan ahead, I do research, before I embark on my journey for the day.
It is most probable that I make these trips on purpose, not because of a specific reason, like a job. I make these trips so that I go out more, to diminish the feeling of anxiety and be used to being away from my comfort zone, a cushion I would very much be lazy to detach from. In other words, I want to be independent. I do not want to be afraid, Although, I want to have the option to be afraid, once in a while. Needless to say, we are human beings created to feel all sorts of emotions.
Where I am now is not even near to what I have in mind of being independent. It is not enough, even though I’m far away from home. It is still not enough, and I don’t it will ever be. I would probably not allow myself to feel that my current state of independence is sufficient for me to stop.
At some point, I will probably achieve independence. However, it would not likely be the ultimate independence. Many a times, there is a need to be dependent still.