Breathe, breathe, I have to constantly remind myself to take in air when I’m speaking to him lately. Also, shutting down my feelings is the easiest way out, to not feel a thing. It is like pressing down a ball filled with air into the water, trying to submerge the ever stubbornness ball. Don’t think, I tell myself, just be neutral, just be nice, it will all be fine. But the anxiety, the silent struggle of the unknown still linger. Unable to make it fade away, unable to make it disappear. I shut it all out. I construct this invisible wall to barricade myself from the haze, just enough to live through another day.